


Bridges

by asinglecrow



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1492498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asinglecrow/pseuds/asinglecrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The funny thing is, Siwon isn't even planning to attend Jackie’s birthday party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bridges

**Author's Note:**

> I mostly fell out of SJ fandom once Han Geng left, so pardon the timeline inaccuracies. I also wrote this in one sitting, and it wasn't until afterwards that I realized that the rest of SJ-M is in Korea oops. So, uh, for the sake of the fic, just pretend that they were in Beijing.

The funny thing is, Siwon isn't even planning to attend Jackie’s birthday party.

He plans for a quiet night out with friends, because it's his birthday too, and just once, _just once_ , he wants it to be more about him than about the spectacle. But just two days before the big party, his manager pulls him aside and says apologetically that it would mean a lot to Jackie, it’s really too good an opportunity to pass up, and do you know how rare it is to get an invitation to something like this?

So Siwon pushes down his disappointment and suits up to attend a party where he will probably know one third of the guests and understand only one fifth of what they’re saying.

“Just for two hours, okay?” his manager says, herding him towards the red carpet. “Two hours, and I promise you that we can leave.”

Siwon likes this manager better than most of the others. He’s still kind of a jerk, because you don’t get far in the Korean entertainment industry without being an asshole, but at least he’s nice about forcing them to do shit they don’t want to do.

And normally Siwon would judge anyone who has a red carpet at his own birthday party, but this is Jackie Chan, and Jackie Chan can do whatever the fuck he wants. It feels more like a movie premier than a birthday party, though, and Siwon pastes on his best smile for the photographers before he’s shuffled over to sign the birthday card to end all birthday cards.

It’s only luck that he chooses that particular corner, but when he finishes signing his name in one of the few blank spots left, an achingly familiar scrawl in the corner of his eye leaves him feeling like all the air has been punched out of his chest.

 

Siwon is the only one who knows before the news breaks.

“I should tell Heechul,” Han Geng mumbles into his shoulder, curling tighter against Siwon’s body. “But I want these last few days to be happy and he--”

“Yeah,” Siwon says, because Heechul is fireworks and flame, and even though he will understand in the end, it will first take him days of anger and hurt and betrayal. It’s selfish, but they know that they don’t have that much time.

Han Geng falls silent after that, and Siwon resumes stroking his fingers through his hair. It’s four in the morning, and they have to be up by six to head over to the dance studio--but a clock is ticking in the back of Siwon’s mind, and even after Han Geng falls asleep with his fingers curled against Siwon’s chest, Siwon stares up at the ceiling, trying to memorize the feel of Han Geng’s skin against his.

Siwon doesn’t have any illusions about what will happen after the lawsuit is filed. He knows SM, and he knows how the industry works.

 

Siwon’s heart is beating in double-time when they enter the ballroom.

Suddenly, two hours is not nearly enough, and he very carefully does not turn his head to look around. He greets an actress he recognizes vaguely from an old SJ-M CM, and he slaps Jackie on the back in greeting. Jackie wishes him a happy birthday and presents him with a garish jade sculpture of a horse.

His manager accepts the item with a perfectly straight face, which only cracks when they’re a safe distance away.

“It’s a joke,” Siwon explains.

“It’s heavy,” his manager counters.

 

Siwon falls in love with Han Geng for the first time when he's studying abroad in China.

Siwon’s Chinese is really fucking awful, and Han Geng’s Korean is even worse, but they make it work. Han Geng speaks with his entire body, grabbing Siwon’s hand to tug him into this restaurant or that, shoving strange foods into Siwon’s mouth when he can’t shore up the courage to do it himself. Siwon discovers that cicadas are okay, but chicken feet are never, ever going to work for him.

Han Geng’s entire face scrunches up when he laughs, and he’s ridiculously clumsy for someone who moves so beautifully when he’s on a stage. He endures Siwon’s arm across his shoulders, his waist, his hips, and when Siwon presses up against him from behind, he laughs before twisting around and wrapping his own arms around Siwon’s shoulders.

It isn’t sexual then, not yet, but what Siwon really falls in love with is the way that Han Geng never pushes him away.

 

Siwon finally spots him when Jackie is midway through a long rambling speech that basically boils down to how glad he is that he still hasn’t managed to kill himself after four decades of hurling himself off rooftops. It’s not a bad speech, all things considered. Jackie is funny and clever, even when clearly drunk off his ass.

But all that is lost on Siwon the moment he realizes just who is sitting three tables down from him.

“Stop staring,” his managers says.

Siwon doesn’t look away, especially now that the game is up. “You knew he was here.”

“Of course I knew.”

It’s useless to be angry about it now. There was enough anger and frustration in the first few years to last a lifetime, and now it has dulled down to an ache in his chest. He thinks it’s a sign of growth and maturity when he asks, “How far?”

“What?”

“How far away do I have to stay?”

There’s a beat of silence, and then his manager says slowly, “Actually, I thought it might be a good photo opportunity.”

When Siwon’s head snaps over so quickly he gives himself whiplash, his manager has the audacity to grin at him. “Happy birthday, kid. Don’t ever say I don’t do anything for you.”

 

The night before everything falls apart, Siwon presses Han Geng down into the sheets and sucks bruises against his neck. Han Geng gasps, hands scrabbling for purchase against the skin of Siwon’s back, and Siwon thinks that his heart might explode. He pulls away, just enough that he can do something stupid like stare into Han Geng’s eyes, and Han Geng's brow furrows when Siwon doesn’t immediately dive back in.

“It’ll be all right,” Han Geng says.

Siwon bends down, kisses him, and decides that he’s done with lying. They’ve pretended for three days now, and he just--he can’t.

He says, “No, it won’t be.”

“Shiyuan,” Han Geng says softly.

“This is goodbye,” Siwon says, and he hates himself when Han Geng goes so still that he isn’t even breathing. “This is goodbye, Han Geng. Do you really think that they’ll--that they’ll allow--god, we won’t even have the same phone numbers anymore.”

“They wouldn’t.”

Siwon can’t help himself when he says, “You’re the one who’s suing them.”

“But they wouldn’t--”

“Why do you think I didn’t try to stop you?” Siwon interrupts. He’s tired. So, so tired. “I get it. I get how awful it is and how miserable you are. And I get that they have us so fucking trapped that the only way to get free is to cut it all off at once.

“But that includes us. You don’t get to keep us if you leave, and it won’t be because of what we want or what you want.”

Han Geng bites his lip at that, and Siwon leans forward to kiss him again, trailing his lips against Han Geng’s jaw, his cheek, his forehead. “You knew that when you decided,” he continues quietly. “And we both know it now. It was just easier to pretend for a while.”

“I’m sorry,” Han Geng says, and his voice cracks. “I love you.”

Siwon believes him.

(This is why:

In another world, Han Geng pulls Siwon aside, sits him down on the bed, and tells him that he’s leaving SM. Siwon asks him to stay. Han Geng does.

All this happens, except that Siwon doesn’t ask him to stay. He knows that Han Geng will, but he loves him enough to let him go.)

 

“We need friendly, okay?” his manager says. “Friendly, but nothing dramatic. Don’t draw attention. We just need ten seconds of footage--give him a handshake or something.”

Siwon simultaneously wants to hug him and punch him in the face. He settles for ignoring him.

 

The first week is bad.

Management feeds them their side of the story, and it’s mostly bullshit and lies. No one believes them, but none of the members can show it and not all of them believe in Han Geng either. Siwon doesn’t bother to fight it, because he knows when to pick his battles.

He does talk to Heechul, because underneath it all, Heechul believes in Han Geng just as much as Siwon does. Heechul cries and screams and yells at Siwon for not telling him earlier, but after three days he comes to Siwon and says, “I was the one who taught him how to grow some fucking balls.”

Siwon doesn’t disagree.

The next ones are Henry, who is hurt but not betrayed (“I miss him, but he should have a choice, right?”), and Zhou Mi, who should have left, but chose to stay. (“He asked me to stay,” Zhou Mi says with a shrug. Kyuhyun, it turns out, has no problem being selfish. He’s lucky Zhou Mi doesn’t mind.)

The rest take longer, even the ones who aren’t particularly close to Han Geng. With them it’s a matter of principle--Super Junior is a family, and you don’t leave family, especially not without explaining first. It’s no longer the personal betrayal, but the collective, and it’s harder to forgive someone who hurt your brother.

 

In the end, it’s really quite anti-climatic.

Siwon’s manager nudges him forward, and Han Geng’s does the same. There is something wry in Han Geng’s expression as he extends his hand, and nothing can stop the stupid grin that spreads across Siwon’s face as he grabs it to pull him closer.

 

The first time they kiss is in Korea.

They’re three months into their debut, and it’s just far enough along to know that they’re on the edge of something huge. But they’re still young and they’re still dumb, and Siwon still has the courage to lean over and press his lips softly, oh so softly, against Han Geng’s.

“Oh,” Han Geng says, but he isn’t surprised, not when they’ve been dancing around this for years now. He smiles, right against Siwon’s lips, and when Siwon presses in close again, he laughs and climbs right into Siwon’s lap.

SIwon mostly loses track of what happens after that, because seriously, _years_.

 

They probably aren’t supposed to talk afterwards, but it’s a public event, and it’s not like anyone can come and physically pull them apart. Siwon’s manager isn’t even really trying, even if he is watching them like a hawk, and Han Geng’s doesn’t care. The cameraman has wandered away to try and catch a glimpse of Wang Leehom.

Han Geng bumps his shoulder against Siwon’s, and then it’s instinct to drape his arm around Han Geng’s shoulders, pull him in close. They’re more conservative with touch here in China, but Han Geng leans back against him anyway, and Siwon leans forward to murmur against his ear, figuring that the angle disguises the way his lips brush against Han Geng with every word.

Han Geng shivers against him.

 

The problem isn’t that SM threatens any of them.

The problem is that SM threatens Han Geng.

 

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Han Geng says, two hours later.

Siwon laughs, choked off as he pushes all the way in. It isn’t anything like how imagined it would be, and he’s ninety percent certain that his manager will be kicking the door down any moment now. But he is so far beyond the point of giving a fuck, and if anyone tries to pry them apart now, Siwon is not above grabbing Han Geng and running, even if they have to do it naked through the streets of Beijing.

“I missed you,” he says, against the skin of Han Geng’s neck.

Han Geng moans.

 

Here’s the thing: SM is the Korean entertainment industry equivalent of a surveillance state. You don’t quite know how far their reach is, and when you push too far you end up in a white room with an unnamed bureaucrat staring at you. They’re not subtle, because there’s no one stopping them--money and reputation are power.

But Siwon is starting to realize that SM is just a big fish in Korea’s small pond, and across an ocean Han Geng’s star is beginning to shine.

(“I need your help,” Siwon says.

“Okay,” Leeteuk says.)

 

It’s four in the morning. Han Geng is the only one who can really stay the night, because Siwon has to catch a seven a.m. flight back to Korea and he’s already cutting it close. Siwon has already received three increasingly frantic texts from Zhou Mi, but after the third Han Geng rolls his eyes and steals his phone to send back something that results in a reply of “!!!!!!!”

It’s four thirty in the morning, and Han Geng trails him to the door. He hasn’t bothered to bring the sheet with him, and he’s a beautiful sight. Siwon can’t help but draw him close again, and when Han Geng clings back just shy of too tight, Siwon has to draw on every ounce of resolve he has to pull away.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Han Geng says.

“No,” Siwon says, pressing a kiss against his forehead. “It isn’t.”

 

This is what happens:

Siwon requests a meeting with upper management. He is denied the first three times, but the fourth time he brings Leeteuk with him.

Three weeks later, he picks up the phone and Han Geng says, “Happy Birthday, Shiyuan.”

It is April 2011. Han Geng is still an ocean away, but the bridges are already being built.

 

 

EXTRA:

“What the fuck,” Siwon says.

His manager pushes away from the hotel wall, pulling off his headphones and stuffing his phone back into his pocket. “You guys aren’t exactly subtle, and someone has to make sure that the paparazzi don’t find you.”

“ _What the fuck_.”

“Yeah, yeah. C’mon, we have a flight to catch, and then I have to make sure neither of us get our asses fired.”

(And they live happily ever after, because not-such-an-asshole manager stages a coup of SM and is like, “Yeah, yeah, go fuck your Chinese boy, but also attend X, Y, and Z events and participate in X, Y, and Z shows.” It’s one way of guaranteeing that Siwon always has a stupid, stupid smile on his face--and that smile sells _billions_.)

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure: In actuality, I'm certain that there was nothing SM could have done to stop Han Geng and Siwon/Heechul/whoever from being in contact. Or at least that's what I'd like to think, because if this fic is anything close to reality, then thank god Han Geng got out when he did, because the idea of SM having that much power is creepy as fuck.


End file.
